If by chance you have not yet seen The Dark Knight Rises aka the new Batman movie, then be warned – the following contains several spoilers. If you are among the many that have seen the new Batman movie and enjoyed it, you should still be warned because I may spoil it for you.
I should preface this article by disclosing the fact that I am a HUGE Batman fan. Although I’m not a huge fan of Nolan’s Batman, nevertheless, I brought a date, bought my tickets, and paid my respect with each film in the franchise. Now that the trilogy is complete, I shall disclose what I didn’t like about The Dark Knight Rises.
In no particular order:
1.) I didn’t like how Bruce Wayne was this frail old man who hobbled around with a cane, but then suddenly when he is called to action becomes spry and limber. Whatever financial problems Wayne Enterprises was experiencing would be solved by patenting and selling knee braces that transforms a man with no cartilage in his knee to a stone-smashing cyborg. While I’m on the topic, how does one smash a stone wall with a kick and not break one’s foot?
2.) I didn’t like how convoluted the plot was. What was the deal with the banker guy who seemed to be calling the shots and then suddenly was decreed to march out onto the precarious ice to his immanent death? There was the stock market collapse thing that didn’t really turn out to be anything important. Then there was that bad cop guy that turned good at the end, only to die recklessly in a hail of gunfire. For a high-ranking officer of the law, he sure didn’t seem to know anything about proper battle tactics. How about not standing in the middle of the street wearing a Captain Crunch uniform screaming at the top of your lungs. And did anyone else notice how he looked like he had never held a gun before?
3.) Speaking of face-in-palm moments, I didn’t like how Batman didn’t know how to fight. Not only did he fight with emotion, he threw these goofy telegraphed punches that could be seen from a mile away. Another thing, for the world’s greatest detective, where was the game plan going into that fight. Brawling with a guy that is jacked up on a special concoction of steroids is almost always a bad idea.
4.) Speaking of Bane, I didn’t like how the movie didn’t even explain who he was. For the entire movie, Bane’s story turned out to be Miranda’s story. What motivates Bain, where does he come from, and why does he sound like a snooty English professor? Speaking of which, did anyone else understand a word that came out of his muffled mouth? Yeah, me neither.
5.) I didn’t like how the plot was too large scale for Batman. Batman usually busts low-level street thugs – purse snatchers, bank robbers… – but this whole nuclear terrorist plot seemed a little too grandiose for a reclusive crippled billionaire.
6.) I didn’t like how nearly every cop in the city was caught underground for three months, then came out nourished, clean-shaven with pressed uniforms, and ready to fight. First of all, that would never happen. Second… yeah, never mind, let’s move on.
7.) I didn’t like how Batman had a fist fight with a dozen or so armed mercenaries and not one of them thought to take a step back and shoot him.
8.) I didn’t like how the wheels on the Batcycle moved awkwardly. What was that all about?
9.) I didn’t like how the Scarecrow was a judge. While we’re on the topic of the judicial system, for a lawless state, it sure seemed to have a lot of laws.
10.) Finally, I didn’t like how Batman was seen in the cockpit of the Batwing up until the atomic blast, but conveniently wasn’t in it at all. Which reminds me, during the whole movie the atomic bomb was described as being highly unstable, but then it somehow managed to survive being bounced around in the back of a truck while skidding and ploughing through town before taking a massive jump. Then after all this, Batman, or his plane on autopilot (I’m not sure), scoops up the bomb and drags it across town bumping and scrapping it against everything imaginable along the way.
In closing, I was not a fan of the movie, but I will look forward to the Justice League movie.
Article by Edward Mullen
Host of The Edward Mullen Podcast